I am a product of prison ministry. I often try to distance myself from my past; however, I do not want to be like the healed leper who, after he is healed, does not share what the Lord did for him. I want people to know what Orthodox Christian Prison Ministry can really do for people like me.
I WAS EXPERIENCING hell on earth. I felt completely separated from God.
I was Portland’s fugitive of the week. I was sleeping in alleyways and giving fake names to police officers because of a warrant out for my arrest. For a long time I had struggled with severe mental illness, inappropriate trauma responses, and a drug addiction. I was mad at God, my family, and everybody else I came into contact with.
Once I was finally arrested and extradited to county jail, facing felony charges and inevitably a lengthy prison sentence, I was terrified, hopeless, and alone. Before this arrest, I had already experienced previous incarcerations and several inpatient and outpatient treatment programs, but nothing seemed to work for me. I felt broken.
Still sitting in jail waiting for my prison sentence, I began attending various Bible studies, just to get out of the pod for an hour. Given my history of incarceration and treatment, there had been numerous attempts by several people to “evangelize me,” however it never seemed to take. Honestly, I’d been in about a dozen different jails, and many of them didn’t feel sincere; they felt more about glorifying the people involved in the Bible study than about simply letting God work.
My first encounter with an Orthodox chaplain was different. I didn’t know why at the time, but I was determined to understand. I requested a one-on-one session with the Orthodox chaplain, and to this day I am forever changed. She gave me my first glimpse of the pure love of Jesus, reflected to me through another human being. She didn’t judge me. I could say raw things I was going through, and she would respond with forgiveness in her eyes. No conditions, no, “Well, if you do this…” She was just with me, with no other goal than reflecting the love and mercy of Christ.
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I continued one-on-one sessions with her throughout my time in county jail, and even after I was sentenced and transported to the women’s correctional institution, I remained connected to the Orthodox Church through OCPM. I worked my way through the self-study correspondence catechism, and I looked forward to the Dynamis newsletters of daily Bible readings and reflections. On holidays, I would receive so many letters and cards from OCPM volunteers that I was moved to tears.
Once I was released, I sought out the nearest Orthodox church and got involved right away. By the grace of God, I was baptized within a couple years of my release from prison, and the Orthodox chaplain I first met in jail is now my godmother. Eventually, I was even able to get my felony removed from my criminal record, go back to school, and graduate with a college degree.
Now, with the help of my godmother, I’m in the process of becoming a volunteer prison chaplain myself.
I feel called and ready to give back what I have received.
Above: Amanda enjoying Coffee Hour after Divine Liturgy
If you are feeling called to prison ministry, too, let me encourage you. First, it doesn’t have to be complicated. Send a Christmas or Pascha card to someone behind bars, and I guarantee it will mean something to them. So many of us on the outside could be doing this through OCPM right now.
The second thing, though, is easier to say and harder to do. But it is essential. Can we see Christ in people when they are at the lowest moments of their lives? I didn’t look like Christ at the time of my arrest, but He was still there in me. If you saw me today, you wouldn’t think I had been a drug addict or a wanted felon. Can we see people not just as they appear at that moment but for the potential of who they can become? We have to try.